


Bloodline

by julia777



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-08 14:18:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5500445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julia777/pseuds/julia777
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[TFA spoilers] Slight AU? Takes place before, during and after TFA (Can't predict the future, so be understanding). Kylo Ren's obsession with the bloodline of Vader threatens to sever the closest thing to love he has left. Kylo Ren/OC.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I am not a Jedi.

I am not a good person.

I am terrified.

My daughter is screaming. Again. Slowly, slower than I probably should, I pull my sheets away and swing my feet over the side of the bed. My feet are ugly and swollen. It takes a lot of effort to pull myself into a standing position. 30 weeks today. I want this thing out of me.

I don't mean that, child. I'm sorry, but please just HURRY.

I don't hurry as I lumber (I used to be so graceful) down the cool tile towards her shrill screams. The guards open her doors for me. They ran in the first time she had the nightmare, afraid she was being attacked. I made sure they didn't make the same mistake again. I don't want them here but I don't have any choice.

"MAMA!" Ell'aria screams. She is still asleep, thrashing about in her sheets. I quicken my pace and pull the sheets from her face. My poor, sweet thing. Her braids are mangled and her face is red, streaming with tears. My heart breaks a little bit every time this happens. This wasn't supposed to happen. I pull her into my arms, cradle her gently until she stops screaming.

"Shhhh...sweet child." I whisper gently, using what connection to the Force I have to calm her troubled mind. I am weak but she is so tired that it doesn't matter. She wakes slowly, taking a deep breath in.

"Mama..." She mumbles, opening her eyes.

"I'm here now." I sigh, brushing her hair from her face. "You're okay, Ellie, just fine."

She doesn't believe me. I don't want to read my child's mind but its so clear. She doesn't believe me. Whatever she sees, its convinced her of its truth. I try to tell her that it will be okay, that she can tell me about what she has seen. Again, like every morning before, she refuses. She shuts me out. She's five years old and I can barely control her. The fear starts to creep in again. I am not a good mother. I am not a good person. I can't control my own child.

"My lady, shall I prepare breakfast?"

Ryla.

"Yes, Ryla, that would be lovely, thank you. Bring her when she is ready." I lay Ellie back down in her bed as she dozes off once more, exhausted.

"How are you feeling this morning, dear? Any different?"

I sigh, standing from my daughter's bed, wrapping my robe tighter around me. Its cold. "I feel like a small moon." I feel my stomach. Quiet today, so far. "And I'm tired of this nightmare nonsense."

Ryla follows me into the hallway. The sun is only beginning to rise. I hate being up so early.

"Children have nightmares, Eryn."

I stop and turn back sharply. "You know she is not just any child." I snap. I don't mean to, but I do.

"Visions can be misleading, my dear, and you and your husband would do well to learn some wisdom."

I step closer. "Go prepare breakfast. Your job is to cook and clean and, soon, to change the soiled diapers of an infant, not to lecture me on the ways of the Force."

Ryla looks at me like she used to when she used to catch me climbing in my bedroom window after dark. Self-righteous disappointment.

"I can replace you, you know." I add, for good measure, before turning back towards my apartments. I don't want to deal with Ryla's disappointment today, or Ell'aria's nightmares, or anything at all. I want to sleep, but I know now that I cannot.

Back in my bedroom, I check in like I do every morning. I flip on the hologram feed and stare directly into the lens. "Still pregnant. Still exhausted." I flip it off. I'll pay for my short message later, if my husband has the time to check in on me himself. At this point, I don't care. I am 7 1/2 months pregnant, prisoner in my own home with my old nursemaid and tormented child. I cannot be punished much further.

As I attempt to climb back into bed, the feed flickers on. I'm shocked.

"Eryn?"

He's irritated.

"Yes?" I sigh, walking back up to the feed. "Did you not understand my message? Or how long it takes to make a child? He's not here, yet. I'm fine, by the way."

"There is no need for you to take that tone with me."

"Take off the helmet."

There is a pause. I live for these little moments, ones where I have some semblance of control. Finally, he removes the stupid thing.

"Thank you. Your daughter is still having nightmares, by the way. She almost strangles herself on her bedsheets every morning."

"I am not surprised."

I roll my eyes. "Of course not. She's terrified. She has no idea what is happening to her."

"I have much more pressing issues at hand, Eryn. Your lack of understanding is...concerning. Continue to report daily. I will be there when my son arrives." The feed flips off.

The fear sneaks up on me again, like a snake slithering up my spine.

 

_"Come now, dear, keep pushing, that's it dear, you can do this..."_

_I scream, louder than I ever have before. I don't think it's supposed to hurt like this. Something is wrong. Something must be wrong._

_"I can't, I can't..." I pant heavily, I have been at it for nearly 24 hours, trying to get her out of me. He'll be here soon and I don't have the strength to face him._

_"Eryn, she needs to come out now. It's been too long. She is in trouble, dear. Please, just a couple more good pushes and you can rest, I promise. I can see her now."_

_I am filled with rage. How dare I let this happen to me, be fooled into thinking that love was anything other than an illusion. I don't know if I am more afraid for my daughter to die or to be born. The thought of his breath hot on my neck, of his groaning desire, fills me with disgust. I was so foolish and young and weak. My rage fills me with power. I close my eyes and for the first time in a long time, I wait to feel the Force around me, in me, flowing through me. I am weak, but I feel it. I latch onto what little hope I have and push with everything I have._

_I final surge of pain and then, finally, release. I hear a sharp, piecing scream and nearly faint from relief. I want to look away, to disconnect, but I can't. She's hot pink and beautiful and the labor and delivery droid is snipping her cord neatly. Ryla is crying. She takes her from LD and starts to clean her up, counting fingers and toes._

_"Oh Eryn, she's so beautiful. So much hair!" Ryla is laughing now and I can't help but crack a weak smile. Then I remember. "He'll be here soon." I whimper. Force, I sound so pitiful._

_"You can't possibly think-"_

_"The dream, Ryla. He thinks its a son, his heir. The bloodline..." I collapse into my bed._

_Ryla tearily shakes her head. "You can't think like that. I can't have you thinking like that. Here..." Suddenly, she is in my arms, quiet and staring up at me. I have one, brief moment of unadulterated joy and then, the door slams open._

_"Where is my son?"_


	2. Chapter Two

I am awoken by silence, startled, because its nearly noon. I practically jump out of bed (a massive feat for me right now), running down the hall towards Ell'aria's room. The doors are wide open, her bed neatly made.

"My lady," One of the guards (I don't know their names, it occurs to me) addresses me nervously. "Master Ren is waiting for you in the great room. You were sleeping soundly so he decided not to wake you."

"Why? What's happened, why is he here?" I push, even though I know he knows nothing.

"Please, the great room."

"I'm not dressed." I seethe.

"Nothing I haven't seen before." I hate it when he sneaks up on me like that. I turn and he moves swiftly forward, grasping the back of my head and kissing me forcefully. I thought I would be more afraid, but instead I'm ravenous. I forget the two guards and press against him, moving his hands to my larger-than-usual breasts. I close my eyes and feel his hot breath move down my neck.

"You think I'm angry." He whispers right into my ear.

"I thought you were…"

He pulls away, smirks, and places his thumb on my lips. "Shhh. I'm not angry… Why would I be angry with you?

I take his hand, kissing it gently. "You're hurt." I can sense it. Something in his lungs?

"Bruised rib."

"You didn't have someone heal it, either."

"I prefer you to do my healing. Come, our daughter is waiting." He takes my waist and we walk, down along the mirrored hall. "I thought we could eat in the atrium. It's beautiful, snowing."

"That sounds lovely."

When we reach the atrium I see our daughter, dressed in her finest, hair in an elaborate up-do. She looks nervous, which I understand. She's seen her father perhaps a dozen times in her entire life, that she would remember. She smiles when she sees me, sees us together. I wonder if that's what she wants, to see her parents together and happy. I am seated at one end, Ell'aria in the middle, and my husband on the other end.

"Are you excited to have a little brother, Ell'aria?" He asks, eating quickly, practically slamming his fork into the metal plate.

"Yes, sir." Ellie responds.

"Sir? Am I not your father?"

"Yes…" Ellie looks at me. I nod, encouraging her. "Yes…father."

"Good." He smiles, gulping down his wine.

"Does Snoke not feed you?" I pry, curious for any information on the First Order, on Snoke, on what exactly is happening in the galaxy outside of this blasted house.

Kylo (I hate the name but I use it anyway) pushes his plate away. "Do you like joking about the most powerful creature in the universe? Hmm?" His tone has changed in an instant.

"You're hurt, you're starving…what am I supposed to think? I am kept here with no information. I have no idea where you are or-"

"Quiet!" His outburst causes Ell'aria to knock over her water goblet.

"I'm sorry…" She mumbles, her face flushed red.

"It's alright, darling..."

"Eryn, my sun and stars, you were the one who said you wanted to, and I'm quoting you here 'Nothing to do with that creature.' So, here you are. Safe, more than comfortable. And I think you said if I made you give birth on a Star Destroyer again you would claw my eyes out of my skull."

I flinch. I did say that. I'd rather our five-year old not here that, however. "And I am safe, and comfortable. I am only...worried for your safety."

Kylo scoffs. " _My_ safety? Eryn, please, don't be foolish. We are so close now, piece by piece we are getting there. I am in no danger. These Resistance fighters..." He waves his hand, signaling for more wine. "They can do nothing to stop us. The rib is from my training. It can be difficult, challenging, painful, but it makes me stronger."

Luke. "You're going to find him, then? Soon?"

"Very. This will all be over sooner than you think. Then, we can go anywhere and everywhere. I can't wait to show our son everything I've learned. I have seen so much, so much he could never have taught us."

"And Ell'aria?"

My husband sighs. "You know, perhaps more than anyone else, how dangerous it becomes when there are too many. My dream..."

"A son, I know." I wring my hands together under the table.

"And why do you want her trained anyway? If my life is so dangerous, why would you want to expose her to that? The nightmares," He is talking about her like she's not even in the room. "I don't want to trouble her anymore. Ell'aria, look at me."

Ellie turns her head dutifully. "Yes, father."

"Do you want to be a warrior, Ell'aria?"

Ell'aria shakes her head. "No, father. I want to stay home with mama."

Kylo smiles, pointing at our daughter. "See? No need. All I want is for you to be happy, to have everything in the galaxy that you want."

Ellie's face lights up. "Everything in the galaxy?"

"Everything. Name something."

"A star?"

"Ellie you can't own a star." I sigh.

"Silence." Kylo raises his hand to me, forcing my mouth shut. I struggle, angered that he would feel the need to use his power against me at this time. "Done. Next I return, you shall have your very own star."

 

_Everyone has their special thing, their niche. Mine is healing, which is pretty uninteresting compared to the others but I'm getting quite good now. Master Luke has me working with the medics now, when I can. I saved a man's life yesterday, brought him right back from the brink. It was the most incredible thing. But, just minutes later, this poor woman came in and I knew there was nothing I could do. She had been hit head on by a land-speeder. She was old and frail and almost pathetic. Medic Siarka said it was my duty to try everything, to do everything I could to save this woman's life. She had no next of kin and she was suffering. I had been playing around with my skills, experimenting with giving life but also with taking it away. So, I made a decision. I placed my hand on her forehead, like I do any other time, except instead of focusing the Force into her every cell, filling her up with life and energy, I began to slowly drain it away. It was was the first time I had tried it on an intelligent creature, and the longer it took the more concerned I became that I was going to get caught. Finally, after what seemed like an hour, I felt her slip away and become one with the Force. Medic Siarka or Master Luke for that matter, would never know._


	3. Chapter 3

His injury is minor enough that I wonder why he didn't fix it himself. Perhaps he wanted to test me, to see if I could still perform under pressure. I can, apparently. Healing was the only skill I ever really took to, and I guess its what led me here. The healing...and the opposite. After I patch him up (a strangely normal moment) I expect a swift departure. I don't get one. He stays, checks up on the security of the house, intimidates some guards, even tells Ryla exactly how he wants our son cared for.

As he's informing Ryla on the ins and outs of child-rearing (which is hilarious), I imagine the Supreme Leader giving lessons on changing diapers and soothing colicky babies. That's how I deal with Snoke, by not dealing with him. Ben was right, I don't want anything to do with him. Mostly because I imagine the last thing he wants is for his prized pawn to have any distractions, you know like children.

Do I distract him? When he is out there, finishing his grandfather's work, does he think about me? Does he think about Ellie? I doubt it, I really do, but I want to think he does. I want to believe that his anger is temporary, not directed towards me or our daughter. I want to believe that if I have _another_ daughter, he won't hurt me. I can't have another child after this one. I was never meant to be a mother.

Ell'aria was an actual accident, or as my grandmother would have said "a miracle of the Force." There's this theory, and I say theory because the Jedi were too puritanical to ever test it, that there is an exponentially increased chance of conception among two Force-sensitive people. It makes sense, of course, that life would want nothing more than to create more of itself. I believe it, mostly because the last thing I wanted was a child and I took every precaution to make sure that wouldn't happen and it did anyway. It was incredibly quick with Ellie. I like to say I know when it happened. Ben likes that story, anyway, that I knew almost immediately that I was pregnant. He liked it better when he could imagine himself continuing the legacy of father and son.

And she did save my life, my daughter. Maybe it was a miracle of the Force. Our relationship, if you want to call it that, was mostly looking down on the other students and eventually, sex. It wasn't strictly forbidden. There is no Jedi Council to make such rules, but Luke made clear the danger of such attachments, which is incredibly ironic if you ask me. That's how it started, Ben and I. We would talk about how the strictness of the Jedi led to Vader's rise. I eventually told him about my experiments with my powers, he told me about his doubts with Luke, the training, the other students.

Then, he withdrew. He stopped visiting me at night, stopped telling me about his thoughts and fears. I know now he was weighing the options. He was deciding whether or not to kill me. I'm not as upset about that as I probably should be. We didn't know each other all that well, despite our physical closeness. Actually, it was during my first pregnancy that any sort of affection appeared. We were so young and really quite foolish. It boggles my mind to think about it now. I watched him slaughter the people I called my friends, my fellow apprentices, for 17 years and then the next day, he flew half-way across the galaxy to bring me flowers.

We were taken in almost immediately by the First Order (and Snoke but I didn't know that yet). He was what they had been waiting for and I just wanted a rest from the chaos. At first, I was more than welcome. My family was rich and well-connected had been sympathetic to the Empire so my name was familiar to many of the higher-ups. I felt comfortable again, being among the type of people I had grown up with. I never felt like that with Luke and I know for certain that he never trusted me. It turns out he was right.

I put Ell'aria to bed and draw myself a bath. My belly pops above the water. I could easily find out. Right now, I could walk back into my bedroom and LD would tell me the sex of my child. In fact, she regularly asks me if I would like to know. I had to reprogram her to stop asking before I destroyed her. There is the 50% chance that I could be relived of my present predicament instantly, but I still don't like the odds. Ben, Kylo, believes its bad luck to find out before the birth. He has convinced himself that he can tell its a boy through searching his feelings alone, and that trusting in a droid would be disrespectful. I suppose in the case of another girl, it buys me some more time. About a month and a half to be exact.

I dry myself off and lather myself in a soothing lotion. I slip into my most comfortable night gown and hope for another restful nights sleep. When I open the door, I see him laying in my bed, carefully studying some sort of hologram. He's still here.

"Won't they be wondering where you are?" I ask, sliding into bed.

"Perhaps, but we're currently waiting on more information. There isn't much to do other than petty raids and I'm overkill there."

"So, you're bored?" I am excited by the possibility of knowing more Anything I can learn can potentially help me. I'm being manipulative but I don't care. "Rest" I lay my head on his chest, placing my hand over his injury. He sighs deeply. I can feel his brain firing. He can never relax, never stop obsessing, so the word means nothing. "Imagine being me, here. That's boredom."

"It's just..." His voice softens. "There is _so much_ to be done."

Lots of death and destruction. When it comes to what he does, I stomach what I can and block out the rest. The weak suffer what they must "And you will do it. Look at all you have accomplished already." I am being overly supportive and sappy and quite frankly kind of pathetic but I need to regain his trust.

He dims the lights and puts away the hologram. "It can't be like this, Eryn. It will never be like this, not unless..." He trails off. I can tell that he feels like he has told me too much already. "After our son is born, things will have to change."

The change in his tone alerts me. "Change how?"

"You'll need more security, for one thing."

"More jailers, you mean." I don't want to be imprisoned even further.

"Damn it, Eryn, you don't understand. You don't know how vulnerable you make me. If someone were to find out about you, you would be an instant target. You, Ell'aria, our son..."

Who would want to hurt me? The Resistance? I can't imagine the Resistance attacking a mother and child. Snoke, it must be Snoke. I shiver at the thought. My husband must always shield his thoughts, then. So, he doesn't think about me then. That solves it. I pull away from him. I don't dare give word to my deepest fear. If the Supreme Leader were to find out about me, I can imagine we would be seen as unnecessary emotional attachments. Perhaps, our deaths could even fuel Ben's power. My heart races.

"You'll have to move, Outer Rim maybe." He's thinking out loud now.

"Ben, please, no, we're isolated enough as it is here. I can't go out there..." Growing up in Coruscant, the Outer Rim was always my biggest fear. Desolate. Wild. "I can protect myself, if you let me. If I had my lightsaber..."

I know immediately that I've made two major mistakes. I close my eyes in preparation for his response. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

He turns to me and grasps my chin. His voice is almost inaudible. "Are you a Jedi, hm?"

My eyes start to well with tears. "No, no I wasn't thinking I just..."

He tightens his group. "I have given you _everything_ here. I have protected you, and the girl, despite the enormous risk. Sometimes I just..." He tightens his grip. I grab his hand and try to pull him away.

"Let _go_ of me." I pull with all of my might and manage to break his grasp.

He looks startled. "I didn't mean to-"

"To what? Hurt me?" I'm trying my best not to cry. I can't cry.

He turns, his legs over the side of the bed. He lays his head in his hands for a moment before taking the hologram viewer and violently smashing it into the bedside table, shattering the glass into a million little pieces. I jump, but remain frozen to my spot. He doesn't turn back around to look at me.

"I'll go. That's what you want." He stands up and walks to the door, still not meeting my eye.

"Look at me." I'm surprised by my own words. He listens, turns and looks me. I can't read the expression on his face. "I love you, but what you're becoming..." I trail off. I can't finish. Hot tears run down my face. I close my eyes, and when I re-open them, he's gone.

* * *

The General watched carefully as Kylo Ren's Command Shuttle approached the Starkiller. The Knight of Ren had left, mysteriously, two days previous on a mission he said was "of no importance" to General Hux. Where had he gone? The General didn't often hide his dislike of the unstable knight. He was emotionally turbulent and unpredictable, two things the First Order did not need. Despite all the General did for the mission, the Supreme Leader still preferred the Force sensitive one. He needed to regain control.

"Commander..." Hux signaled to one of his inferior officers. "After Ren has arrived, I want a covert team to sweep the Command Shuttle. Find out where he has been."


	4. Chapter 4

The winter here is ending, finally. I took my first walk outside in months. It was almost nice (you know, minus the armed guards). There aren't many, but they're dedicated and well-trained. I still don't know their names and I don't think I care to.

I walked up the path into the forest and back around, down by the now frozen river. I have neighbors, actually, other manors I can see from the top floor of the house. People here are private, rich, potentially First Order sympathizers. They don't meddle. No one is looking for me either. My father has been dead for a while now, and my mother likes to pretend I don't exist. Perhaps she's told her friends and my other relatives that I died. I wouldn't be all that surprised, and I wouldn't blame her. I'm not proud of me, either.

My ambivalence always bothered Luke. I never really felt strongly about things one way or another. It's probably my worst trait, not caring. It drove my father insane ("Just decide on _something_ , dear") and my mother was always passive-aggressive about it ("I think if you told Eryn she was going to die, she would still just shrug and walk away!"). Except Ell'aria. I do care about her. I may not be a good mother, but I know that I would do anything to protect her. Except, I don't know if that's actually something I can do. I always thought that if things got too out of control, I would escape or die trying. Then, Ell'aria happened and I was suddenly _responsible._ I had no choice but to keep her and now I have no choice but to continue to care for her. So, I try to appease her father. I'm not necessarily proud of how I do it sometimes, but there isn't another option. I have made my bed, as Ryla would say. I made my choices.

The walk is a bit much for me in my current state. I'm breathing heavily when I return to the house. I remove my cloak and collapse into the chair in the back entry. It had started to snow a bit on the way back in and my hair begins to melt. I'll take another bath, I decide. I never liked baths before I had children.

"How was your walk?" It's Ryla.

"Good. The river is starting to thaw."

Ryla sets the linens she was carrying down on the table. "I didn't ask about the river."

"I don't know what you want me to say, Ryla."

"I'm just glad you got out of the house. Walks help to clear the mind."

I stand and remove my cloak, handing it to my old nursemaid. "Does my mind need clearing?"

"I just imagine you've had a lot to think about, with the baby coming and all."

"Everything is taken care of, Ryla. The nursery is finished, LD is prepped and ready." I am purposefully steering the conversation away from Ryla trying to make my life choices for me.

"Have you picked out a name?"

I roll my eyes and start to walk up the back stairs.

"Eryn? I'm curious. You must have a name picked out."

I continue to ignore her attempts to learn the sex of my child. She thinks I know. I still don't, and I won't until my child is born. I can't think like that, joyful if its a son or terrified if its a girl. Some days, I really do wish the child could be born as quickly as possible. If he or she could enter the galaxy quickly and quietly, I would maybe even have time to formulate a plan to get the children to safety. But, that will never happen. The moment I go into labor, my husband will be alerted. My only hope is that I happen to go into labor the moment he uncovers Luke's location. That is perhaps the only thing that could better draw his attention.

"Eryn Usta-Cevher, I served your mother from when she was a child and I was there the moment you were born. Ever since...ever since we found out you were strong with the Force I was afraid. Afraid for you, for your future."

I stop on the middle of the stairs, afraid to turn around and meet Ryla's eye. She has been waiting a long time to say this.

"I'm not a Jedi. I'm a maid, a governess, practically your mother if I'm being honest. You had everything, Eryn. You had wealth, love, family...I don't understand why somedays. Why did you do it, Eryn? Turn away form-"

I turn and march down the stairs, marching right up to her, towering over her elderly frame. "Turn away from what? The Usta-Cevhers? Iron ore miners and resource manipulators? Socialites and high-class thieves? My mother was, is, a drunk. And my father? He liked to say that the greatest day of his life was the day he thought he saw Darth Vader. Their _love_ was a twisted self-obsessed farce. They never wanted a child and you know it."

"And how are you any different?" Ryla's voice shakes but she continues. "Trying to send your five-year-old daughter into a war zone? You barely spend any time with her now. Moping about, laying in bed-"

"Shut. Up." I am shaking, balling up my fists. How _dare_ she speak to me like this?

"You're still a child, Eryn. You were so young when Ellie was born I thought that this would go away..."

I don't want to hit her, so I thrust her back into the chair. She looks shocked, hurt. She is older and more frail than I remember.

"I have never pretended to be good. You are the one with that fantasy. You always wanted me to be a princess, a hero, some sort of storybook character..." I let myself relax. "And I'm not. I'm not a good mother, I don't need to be reminded me of that." Ryla tries to stand up from the chair, but she is too weak. I know I should help her, but I am still too angry. I clench my fists again, and turn and ascend the stairs.

Back in my room, I click on my messages. I turn on the hologram and try to compose myself. "I want Ryla gone. Not after the baby is born either. Immediately."

* * *

Kylo Ren entered the bridge to find an (almost) solitary General Hux.

"I assume you had a very good reason to enter my ship, General."

"The First Order does not succumb to disorder or misinformation, Ren." The General could barely contain his smile.

"Supreme Leader Snoke trusts me, that should be enough for you General. If I find you on my ship again, you will answer to me."

"Trust? Comical, Ren. One cannot trust a _creature_ like you."

Hux existed the bridge, smug. Ren had no response. It wasn't worth a show of anger. He would have his revenge in due time. The general had been on his ship, he had felt it. Ren expected that he was trying to find out where he had been when he had been to see Eryn. Had they found her? He wasn't sure how much they knew and asking too many questions could potentially reveal even more to the First Order. He would have to send her away sooner than expected. The knight stormed away to his private rooms, flicking on his com-link. He sent the orders.

* * *

I am awoken by Ryla shaking me frantically.

"Wake up, Eryn. Quickly! Someone is here. I don't recognize the ship." Her voice is full of fear.

I stumble to my dressing table and slip on what leggings still fit and pull a tunic over my head. I follow Ryla down the hall to Ell'aria's room. The guards are on edge.

"Do you know about this?" I inquire, as Ryla wakes Ellie. "Tell me!" The guard on the right, the taller one. He says nothing. "Ryla!" I follow after the nursemaid. I hear the front door open. Footsteps, but not many.

"Ryla, what did the ship look like?"

Ryla is pulling a sweater over Ellie's sleepy head. "It wasn't your husband's. I said I didn't recognize it. It looks more like a freighter."

"What's going on?" Ellie is still half-asleep, unaware of the danger.

"I don't know." I answer honestly. The footsteps are climbing the stairs now, coming down the hall. "They won't hurt you, Ellie. Just...be brave." I know I'm lying. They would hurt her, without any hesitation.

I am hot and cold at the same time, sweating profusely, heart beating out of my chest. I would do anything in this moment, anything to protect her. I am not a Jedi. I am not a good person. I am terrified.

Thudding and then... _not_ Stormtroopers. I breathe a sigh of relief and hug my daughter close.

"Are we being moved?" I direct my inquiry towards the woman who looks to be in charge. She is with two others. I almost feel bad for them. They'll most likely have their memories wiped after this, or perhaps even killed.

"Come quickly. Take nothing. We will bring your things to you."

I can do nothing but trust that she is telling the truth. I grab Ellie, carrying her down the stairs and out into the snow. My feet are bare but I feel nothing. Ryla is lagging behind. "Come on, hurry!" I yell back to her. It's starting to snow, heavily.

One of the guards is behind us. I see him stop, pick up his weapon, and aim.

"NO!" I scream. The blast hits her square in the back and she falls, first onto her knees and then face-first into the gradually growing snow. My eyes blur with tears as the woman forces me up the ramp and into the body of the ship.

"Strap in." The woman yells as we begin to ascend. I fumble with Ellie's belt before tightening mine. She is crying too.

"I'm sorry, Ellie. I'm so sorry." I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't want her dead, but what did I expect? She knew too much.

And I cry more than I ever have in my entire life.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay in updating! Christmas happened, traveling etc...Anyway, I'm back and ready to go. Thank you SO much for your continued support. Also, I just realized that I made a bit of a timeline error when I stated that Eryn had known her fellow apprentices for 17 years. I meant to say that's how old she was when Kylo/Ben rebelled. At least, that's what I'm assuming based on the information given and what other people have theorized. Understandably, I may be horribly incorrect on the timeline, but I like to imagine Ben (and my Eryn) as angsty teenagers :) Okay, so THANK YOU and I hope to be uploading much more regularly again soon!

I must have fallen asleep, or I was drugged. Either way, my head is throbbing and I am incredibly thirsty. Damn, its hot. I'm laying on a low-lying bed in a dark room. There is a small skylight. I stand, a bit unsteadily, and find my way to the doorway. I push to open the door, half expecting it to be locked. It's not. The whole place is made of this smoothed plaster, the floors, ceilings, walls. I'm sweating like mad, still in my old clothes. I quickly find my way to a courtyard. There is one armed guard, young, standing by what looks like the exit.

"Water?" I call, my voice croaks.

"In the kitchen, ma'am." He responds without eye contact, pointing to a separate hallway. I find the narrow kitchen easily enough, and a pitcher of lukewarm water. I gulp it down, then another, then another, all before realizing that I have no idea where my daughter is.

"Ellie!" I yell, running back into the courtyard. "Where is she? Is she here?"

The guard doesn't respond. "Hey!" I yell, right into his face. " _Where_ is my daughter?"

"I'm here, mama!" I hear her little voice from down the hall. She comes running and I pick her up and hold her tight.

"I just woke up, are you okay? Did anyone hurt you?" I set her down, crouching to look directly into her eyes.

"I was worried about you." My little girl, my five-year-old Ell'aria says this to me. It should be the other way around.

"Why were you worried about me?" I brush her hair straight. She's sweaty, too. She looks away, like she doesn't want to tell me.

"They want to hurt you..." She glances away, quickly looking at the guard. "My dream. They come to hurt you. I was afraid it was happening." She says this so matter-of-factly, as if its normal for children to have visions of their parents potential future murder.

"That's your dream, Ellie? Someone hurting me?" I always thought it was about her, about some future peril _she_ would have to face. I feel strangely guilty. I feel guilty for bringing her into this world, for continuing to bring into the galaxy these cursed Skywalker children. They don't deserve this. My daughter doesn't need this. I suddenly understand my parents' apprehension in sending me away to train. The Force can be unkind in how it treats its most special creatures.

"I'm okay, sweetheart." I hug her again, mostly for my comfort.

"I see you've been reunited." I stand and face the unfamiliar voice. A tall man, older, not in First Order garb.

"Who are you?" I ask.

The man smiles and shrugs. "I am your...protector. Actually, its you who's paying me, your family at least. Come, let's sit." He motions to a small table. "Bring us some more water, please." He orders the young guard. "You too, Ellie." I sit with Ellie in my lap. I'm afraid to let her out of my sight again.

"Your husband was afraid this might happen one day. I know your family. Ren contacted me about the possibility, and I said I would take the job if the money was right."

I'm surprised. "Most First Order sympathizers don't do it for the money. They do it for the cause." Whatever cause that is. I was never really certain. The guard brings the water. I make sure Ellie drinks her fill.

"This General Hux isn 't the biggest fan of you, Eryn. Or your husband for that matter. He tolerates him, because he has to. He thinks he can weaken him through you. He's mostly likely already gone to the Supreme Leader or whatever they call him." He says all of this like he's telling a story. I don't dislike him, he's not cruel, just strangely comfortable around me for someone I've never met.

"Okay, so...you keep me from leaving? You, protect me and my daughter from anyone who might want to harm me?" I'm trying to figure this all out. It seem strange that my husband would go through all of this trouble. "Wouldn't it be easier to just...kill me?" I hate to say it in front of Ellie but it's a question that begs asking.

The man takes a long drink of his water. "It would be much easier to kill you. I can imagine there are more than a few people who agree with me, and they're right in a way. Your husband is unstable and prone to emotional outbursts, generally caused by personal problems more than issues with his actual duties. But, he's put a lot of time and effort into this idea of his...this _idea_ that together, he and his son will take over control of the entire galaxy and restore things to their rightful order. It's outlandish, foolish, but he's become attached to the idea. And, he cares for you."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"He is certainly reconsidering his options." The man adjusts his glance to my daughter. "She looks like him. Tall, kind of serious looking." He laughs. "What are you thinking about, little one?"

Ellie shifts uncomfortably in my lap. "I'm not going to let anyone hurt my mama." She speaks in a tone I have never heard her use before.

The man smiles again, leaning forward across the table. "Good."

* * *

"You have been...uncovered." The Supreme Leader chooses his words carefully. Uncovered. Like something buried. "Take off your mask. This is a human matter, for a human face."

The Knight of Ren dutifully complies. His face is worn, worried. "Supreme Leader, I never meant to deceive I was only doing what I felt-"

"Silence. You presume to know what I am going to say before I say it."

"Apologies, Master."

"It is not unnatural to have...connections. You were young, and alone, and this woman was a comfort to you. However, when these attachments become...weights on your progress, our progress-"

"I understand, Master, but she is far away. She cannot possibly hinder our mission."

"And when her child comes? Your so longed-for son? Will you not drop everything to go at once to them?"

The young man stammers and looks away. "No, I-I will not. This...this is my _only_ priority."

"Would you object, then, if I had them killed?"

Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, steps back, the visions of Eryn falling helplessly to the ground, of little Ell'aria's lifeless body...But for everything Snoke has taught him? The power he has gained? His vision, his separate and hidden vision, comes to the front of his mind. He can't speak.

"You dream of overtaking me, which is only natural. Of becoming what your uncle and grandfather never were, ruling the galaxy as father and son." Snoke leans forward, casting his shadow over Ren's pale figure. "I will not punish you for your ambition, nor will I kill the girl and her child. If they die, they must die at your hand. Either choice you make, you must forget them, Knight of Ren, but know that days are coming soon when you will face real loss, real pain, and there is nothing I can do to stop that."

* * *

I am somewhere far, far away from where I have ever been before. It's cold now, and I'm huddled in uncomfortable and unfamiliar clothes. I have been afraid now for so long that I'm having a hard time working myself up about it anymore. It's exhausting, being afraid all the time. I can't even imagine when the baby comes. The man, Tyre, took our old clothes to sell. It was a good idea. We can eat for months off of what they are worth but this whole operation is shaky at best. I don't know if we'll die of neglect or from a Stormtrooper's blaster, but right now I can't imagine any other outcome. Even my daughter has seen me die.

I'm sitting in my bed, wide-awake. Ell'aria is asleep beside me. I have no idea how she can manage to fall asleep at a time like this.

"Eryn?"

I am startled. There is a dull flame from the fireplace and in the open doorway I see no one other than my husband himself.

"Is this a dream?" I ask, somewhat sure it is in fact a dream.

"No. I came as soon as I could." His eyes are watery. Tears perhaps, although he looks more angry than sad.

"I can't possibly imagine what you could be doing here." My voice is shaking. I don't know if he is here to kill me although I am open to the option.

He can't keep eye contact with me. "Eryn...I'm being torn apart. Snoke wants me to kill you myself, but I can't do it. I'm keeping you here like a prisoner because I'm afraid what you would do if I let you leave." Hot, angry tears. "Snoke won't let me have you, but I can't let you go either."

I feel like I'm outside of my body as I stand up to embrace him. He doesn't want to touch me, I can feel it, but I insist. "There must be another way. I can't live like this. This in-between existence you've created is driving me insane. I won't fight you, won't fight the First Order. _Please."_ I've given up my freedom, what's my honor or my pride?

He pushes me away, pacing back and forth across the room. He ignites his saber, creating a patchwork of hot red marks in the plaster wall. Ellie awakes, screaming in fear.

"Please, _stop_. You're scaring her." I yell tearfully. All of this is so out of control, so messy, so not what I ever imagined my life would be.

"You don't get it. You never have. Maybe I should just kill you..." For the second time in my life, I see him consider it. He presses his hands into his face and screams. "No, no I can't lose you." He's speaking erratically now, like he's talking to some other force, someone I can't see. "I'll keep you here, keep you safe..." Ell'aria looks up at me from the bed. Her expression is one of pure fear.

He composes himself. We look at each other like strangers before he exits the room is a twirl of dark black fabric.


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a fair warning, there WILL be depictions of labor and childbirth in this chapter, if that sort of thing freaks anyone out.

_Luke Skywalker sat, somewhat uncomfortably, in one of many ornate sitting rooms with the Usta-Cevher Tower. The tower was impressively large, a physical embodiment of one of Coruscant's most powerful unions within the last century. The other product of that union sat quietly behind the door, attempting to hear the conversation between her mother and the stranger._

_"I can't imagine what you would want to do with her. My husband is too ill to speak, so I suppose I will have to tell you. We can't send her away." Nyasia Usta was as usual hung-over, not yet drunk again for the day. Heavy cosmetics attempted to hide her worn skin and puffy eyes._

_"This is a chance, Lady, to undo generations of destruction. She would be helping to return order and harmony to the galaxy."_

_"I admit that my family may have chosen the wrong side during the war-"_

_"And profited heavily from it." Luke motioned to the luxurious room around him. "Before that, multiple Usta children were recognized by the Jedi council only to have their parents deny them their destiny. This power has been running through your line for too long. The Force has chosen your daughter to finally bring that power to fruition. I can feel it."_

_Nyasia sighed and took a drink of her wine. "More." She motioned to a servant. "More, please."_

_"Lady Usta, I promise you that you will continue to see her. I won't make the same mistakes as Jedi past."_

_"She's betrothed, Master Jedi. It would be heavily expensive to break-off the agreement for our family and for the company."_

_Luke was baffled. "Betrothed? She's a child, and a Force-sensitive one. Her destiny is not in marriage. Don't you wish for more for your daughter than that?"_

_"I don't wish anything for her. This world is cruel and inconstant."_

_Luke sighed deeply. There was little reasoning with this woman. "That it is, my lady. However, a new Jedi Order will help to stay that cruelty. Help to bring back a peaceful and profitable universe. At least, allow us to try." The Jedi weighed his options. Was the girl worth it? "I'll make you a deal, Lady. By sixteen, if she no longer wishes to continue with her training, I will allow her to leave. Every year, she can come home for a period of time as well, to learn your customs and spend time with her family. But, at sixteen, she'll have to decide. Please, Lady Usta. The Force is calling to her."_

_Nyasia had to admit to herself that she was exhausted by motherhood. Eryn was hard to persuade and even harder to understand at times. Even she could sense that her daughter had special powers. Perhaps this would begin to undo the years of destruction her family had caused. The lady didn't feel a guilt necessarily, but a burden._

_"I'll agree to it but only on those terms. In writing, as well."_

_"You'll need to be sworn to secrecy as well. There are many who will see the new Jedi as threats."_

_Nyasia smiled weakly. "Don't worry, Master Jedi. I know how to keep a secret."_

* * *

Tyre sold our clothes for soft cloth for the baby, parts for the water vaporator, and shoes for myself and Ell'aria. It took me an inordinate amount of time to realize we didn't have shoes. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm full-term today, if my calculations are correct. I can guess where we are by the suns and moons but I dare not let on. I never dare let on that I have any idea about anything.

"I should probably say that I won't be any help in delivering a child." Tyre speaks up. It's late. We're all gathered around the fireplace as the temperature drops.

"Did you think I thought you _would_ be any help?"

"No, I just...thought you should know." He looks like he has more to say. He always has that look, like there's something he's not saying. He's a serial liar and not much about his story adds up. However, I'm alive and Ell'aria is alive so as of right now I'm okay with his inconsistencies.

"It will be dangerous. There's some medicine here, but not nearly enough or even the right kind. I could loose too much blood, or the cord could get caught..." I rub my forehead. "All the scans were fine before we left, but something could have changed. The trauma of the move..."

Tye looks genuinely concerned. "I'm sorry, my lady. I can't imagine."

"No, I suppose you cannot." In moments like these, I feel entirely isolated. I have always relied on someone to protect me, never taking the time to learn to protect myself.

"When you say you knew my family, I assume you mean in an employee sense. As a bodyguard." I pry for information. Tyre has had a bit to drink. He might even tell the truth.

He nods in agreement. "During the time of the Empire, I was one of your father's guards. Not the head guard, I was too young and inexperienced, but I saw some action. Even got into it with some rebels a couple of times. I respected the rebels, but it was the Empire putting food on the table. You understand."

I do understand. Survival isn't always easy. "And now...I assume the First Order has taken control of most of the family assets?"

"Yes, that was your mother's will."

"Have you spoken to her recently?"

"No. I haven't been back in a long time."

"And my husband contacted you?" A hole in his story. It was between killing me or abandoning me. I am no longer the precious commodity I once was.

"I'm easy enough to find." He stands from his chair. "I'm a mercenary, my lady, I am always available to those who are looking for me. If you don't mind, I will retire for the evening."

"No, go get some rest. I imagine making sure a full-term pregnant woman doesn't escape into the desert is exhausting."

Tyre laughs and shakes his head. "I appreciate your humor, lady. It will get you far."

* * *

"So, you chose to let her live..." The Supreme Leader ponders the decision. "Out of compassion?"

"A poor decision in my opinion." General Hux adds. "She knows too much to be left alive."

"It was Ren's decision to make, General. She is isolated completely."

"Isolated, but alive. If she were to try and reach the Resistance-"

"She would never." The Knight of Ren added curtly. "And if she does, I promise I will take care of her myself."

"Your _emotion_ got in the way of disposing of her the first time, how do we know you wouldn't fail a second time?" Hux spit, practically snarling in the knight's face. "She makes you weak."

"Knight of Ren, you must continue to prove your devotion to our cause, or I am afraid this attachment will become an undue burden."

Kylo's face behind mask was emotionless, but inside he was filled with torment. Images of his son, radiant and powerful, helping him to defeat the very creature in front of him were forced into the back of his mind.

"Visions, young knight, can be deceiving. Let go of your foolish dream and fulfill your grandfather's destiny."

* * *

My first child was born on-board a First Order Star Destroyer and my second will be born on an inhospitable desert planet. I am in labor but surprisingly calm. I could die, but I'm calm. The directors to the guards and Tyre Eron are clear: do not even dare to bother me unless I explicitly ask for help. I've never been so thankful for my medic training. I know what's supposed to happen, the order of things, signs that something is going wrong. That was all tossed out the window when Ell'aria was born due to my rage, fear, and confusion. But now I'm completely focused. The chaos has allowed for a clarity in my mind.

It's hard to check my dilation, but I do my best. I can count the time between contractions. I'm supposed to relax, which is comical, maybe even continue to get some rest while I wait for labor to further. That's not going to happen. Ellie is here, I have no choice but to have her here with me. However, I would say she's about ten times more helpful than a mercenary or a First Order petty officer.

"Is the baby coming?" She asks worriedly.

"Eventually." I groan, adjusting my pillows. "It could be a whole day more until he arrives." My water has broken, so it can't be too long but that's what worries me. My baby could suffocate.

Despite my best efforts, I fall asleep again. When I wake up, Ellie brings me a protein pack and I eat what little I can. I'll need my energy. It's been about seven hours. I get up and walk around the room, adjust the bed to my preferred position, and send Ellie for any extra supplies we might need. I can feel the contractions coming closer together. Everything seems to be progressing somewhat normally, but I'm still nervous. Also, in a lot of pain already despite the worst being ahead of me. Ellie rushes back with the cloths, water, and medicine.

"That needle..."I point. "Will help clot my blood if I begin bleeding too much. You'll need to jab it into my arm, but you can't be afraid, okay? It won't hurt me. I'll tell you if I need it, okay?" Force, she's _five._ She has no idea what to do, but its my only hope. I keep changing positions, drinking water, trying to stay focused. I'm exhausted already. Ell'aria is watching me carefully. She is so dutiful in doing everything I ask of her. I often wonder how she is so _good_ despite everything.

It's nearly midday now and I am in active labor. I take my position and have Ellie help me settle everything. I had to argue heavily for a knife to cut the umbilical cord with, but I have it. I had Ryla to help me with my breathing the first time. She made sure I didn't pass out or give up, despite how badly I wanted to. Guilt washes over me as I feel the urge to push.

"Okay, Ellie. I think he's coming now, very soon. It's okay if you don't want to look." I'm covered in sweat. I would remove more clothes if I could. I try to imagine I am at home, in the bath, with soothing oils and candles. I imagine Ryla is still alive, holding my hand, telling me everything will be okay. I begin to push, as hard as I can. I feel no shame in vocalizing my intense pain. I close my eyes. I don't want to know if my daughter is afraid.

Two steps forward, one step back. I push, and when I relax he comes back up a little bit. It's a natural process but frustrating. I was told that the second one came faster. So far, that's not the case. Force, I'd forgotten the twisting, pulling pain. It's like someone is pulling my insides out. I do my best to focus, to push, to let all of my other thoughts and fears all away. I have one job: deliver my baby safely.

"Ellie..." I'm dripping with sweat. "When his head comes out, I'm going to need your help. I'm sorry, darling-" I pant. "But I'm going to need your help." Ellie rushes over quickly. Her eyes are huge. I can imagine this is a rather horrific thing to experience for someone with no knowledge of what is happening. "I'll need you to feel around his neck, when you can see it. You need to tell me if there's anything around it, like a rope. Do you understan-ARGGH." I feel the urge to push even greater as he begins to crown. I open my eyes to Ellie nodding quickly. She looks afraid, but focused. I'm filled with pride before I remember to slow down to help him stretch out to avoid tearing. I can't afford the bleeding.

"Can you see him?"

"I...I think so." Her voice is soft.

"Okay, here he comes." I look down with a cry of relief at the sight of my babies's head. Lots of hair, just like Ellie.

"Is there anything around his neck?"

Ellie reaches tentatively forward. I do my best to look as well. Despite the gore, my daughter does her best to feel around her sibling's neck. "I don't think so..." She starts to cry. I can't tell if she's happy or terrified.

Quickly now, my baby descends. Head fully out, shoulders, and then his whole body, slowly onto the bed. I collapse onto my pillows with relief, but I can't stay there long. My arms tremble as I lift myself up and gently pull my baby to my chest. I'm afraid to look.

"Some cloth, Ellie." I pant. I wipe away the mucous and blood as best I can. "Another, clean please." Finally, I dare take a glance.

"She's perfect." Ellie whispers as I carefully wrap the cloth around her. I have no energy for tears.


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short transitionary chapter, but I wanted to upload something to make sure you know that I still very much intend to finish this! I am SO sorry about the delay in updating. I was sick and just got out of the writing habit. That being said, I'm back at it. I promise to go back to longer chapters after this one! Thank you so much for your continued support!

Fate is so strange. My grandmother should have been a Jedi, but that fate was denied her. Instead, she grew up an important marriageable pawn in the strange world that was pre-war Coruscant. She married into another wealthy family and had my mother. I loved my grandmother. She was funny and kind and always did little tricks that made me squeal with excitement. My mother didn't like her. Grandmother always felt like she had never lived up to her potential, especially after the Empire's rise. "You would have died with the rest of them" is what my mother would say, and she was right. She would have never married grandfather, never had my mother, and I wouldn't even exist. Aelia wouldn't exist either, my newborn daughter in my arms. I've named her after my Grandmother Aelia. My own mother wouldn't appreciate that.

Looking at Aelia peacefully asleep in my arms, my decision has been made for me. I put myself together to the best of my ability and call Tyre Eron into my room.

He enters with a smile. "Congratulations."

I nod curtly. "As soon as he finds out, we are in even greater danger. He may be commanded not to return but I can't promise that won't happen. I don't know who you work for or why exactly you are here, but I know you're not First Order."

The older man's face reads blank.

"We can't stay here. Someone will come to end us, eventually. Perhaps a bounty hunter, something under the table so the First Order doesn't have to get its hands dirty."

He doesn't respond.

"I need you to prove your loyalty."

"You seem fairly sure, my lady." Tyre begins to pace across the room.

"I am very sure. How long has my mother known that I am alive?" I hope I am right.

Tyre stops where he is. "She had always hoped. The Lady Nyasia has recently sobered up in light of the First Order's advancing on her properties."

"The mines?" The mining colonies would be extraordinarily valuable to the First Order. They are mine by birth, but not if I am dead.

"I wish I could say that she began searching for you out of love."

I am not surprised. "So, she needs to prove that I am still alive to keep the mines from going to the First Order?"

"Essentially. Your mother had to make some tough calls after your disappearance which included altering her will. She was distraught and incredibly angry at Skywalker and therefore the Resistance. She realized her mistake but..." Tyre walks forward and sits on the edge of the bed. He looks into my arms, smiling weakly.

* * *

_I lay in my bunk, not asleep but pretending. Kroona has been sound asleep for an hour. She always falls asleep so quickly. I hear footsteps and feel my stomach flip out of nerves._

_"Is she out?" He whispers._

_"Yes, but make sure." I whisper back._

_Ben glides over in the darkness. I can see his shape bent over the bottom bunk. I feel his energy build to sent poor Kroona ever further out into the darkness._

_"Out cold." He whispers mischievously._

_I adjust, breathing heavily, as he climbs up into my bunk and crashes into me. Hungry lips, fumbling around in the darkness. We have no idea what we are doing but are racing there with certainty. I feel his hand graze up my thigh and then stop._

_"Are you sure?" He whispers into my ear._

_I grab his hand and guide it up, underneath my sleep shirt. I gasp as my fantasy becomes a reality. I had been trying, so desperately, over the last few weeks to formulate a plan. I stole contraceptives from the medic station. I requested oblivious Kroona as my roommate for this mission. We both wanted it so I made it happen. See, this is important. Everyone thinks I was some poor victim._

_I wanted this._

* * *

We need to kill the guards. I am not concerned about the difficulty of killing them, but what will happen once they are dead. I want Tyre to do it. I want him to prove that what I believe and what he is saying is true. I don't care how he does it, but we have to be careful. I have no idea how much or little surveillance we are under. I assume they believe Tyre will kill myself and my daughters if we try to escape. It was a brilliant plan, to use a man like Tyre Eron. He has enough gray in him for the First Order and even my husband to trust him. If I'm right, if I'm wrong we'll all be dead. Again, I'm not turning out to be a great mother. I don't know what to do.

"Eryn..." It's Tyre.

I'm in the kitchen, making Ell'aria breakfast.

"If you leave, you give them every reason to kill you. I know that's not what you want to hear, but your mother and I talked about this and she doesn't want me to move you unless I am certain of your safety. I am not certain."

"So you want us to wait here for some bounty hunter to blast my family into ash?" I slam the milk down onto the counter, sloshing a bit over the sides.

"You don't know that-"

_Damn_ this man. "I thought you were on my side." I seethe.

"I _am,_ Eryn, but I will not aide in a plan this risky. An escape is dangerous on its own, not withstanding the search that will follow. They will kill you and your children on the spot. Here...here you could at least have a life."

"We go somewhere safe, somewhere the First Order won't go. Hosnian Prime, or..."

"They'll just kill you more quietly then!" Tyre raises his voice. "Staying here, not making a fuss, that's how we can prove you're alive, get all the accounts in order and get the First Order off of your mother's back. Perhaps, years down the road..."

"Fuck you." I spit. Ellie won't look at me. "This is all about money! She just wants her mines back, and you could care less about my safety. You dirty fucking merc."

"Classy, mouthing off like that in front of her." Tyre nods towards Ellie.

I shake my head in disgust. "Are you going to help us or not?"

"Well, I don't know how badly I want to know. I don't appreciate being bad mouthed by a spoiled, murderous, witch. I don't like you, Eryn. I tolerate you. Your mother pays me well. But I don't respect how you care for your children or how you've stayed with that monster for this long."

"Do you _really_ think that I had a choice?"

"We all make choices. Somewhere, along the line, you decided to step into world where you only care about yourself."

"That is _not_ true. Ell'aria and Aelia mean everything to me." I can feel my face heating up with anger.

"Prove it. If you leave, you'll kill them. Stay here, you at least give them a chance."

Tyre takes a quick look at Ellie before exiting past me out into the courtyard. I can feel my rage building and I don't want to stop it. I want to follow him and choke the life out of him. I want to smash his face in with a stone.

"Mama, you're scaring me..." Ellie whispers tearfully. I grip the edge of the counter with all of my strength before Force thrusting the jug of milk into the plaster wall, shattering it into a million pieces.


	8. 8

_"Father!"_ The boy's voice rings out like a bell. _"Together, father. We'll do it together!"_

The dream had returned.

_Together_. The boy, his son, imploring to him some future task, some great mission that they must undertake. The boy had haunted him now for too long. The dream was, according to Snoke, a temptation. The temptation of family, of love, over duty and power.

Very rarely did the knight have time to sleep. Getting up, he pulled together his robes, his gauntlets, his boots. Appearance was everything. Kylo Ren _was_ the mask. Looking at the bed, he was reminded of what it felt like to have a warm body beside him at night. He quickly shook the thought from his head. She had failed him, just like Snoke had said she would. Two daughters.

Weakness gripped him. The newborn... His _child_ , his own flesh and blood, whom he would never hold or even _see_ and would perhaps be killed before she learned to walk. Ell'aria, stoic and beautiful but so very _afraid_ , a fear that would grow into anger, hate, and rightfully so. _She should hate me,_ he thought.

Snoke had known the whole time about his "weakness of the flesh."

_"Your attachment to them is a weakness that your enemies will exploit. You should need nothing, require nothing from anyone else."_

He felt it, the weakness, the pull to the Light. He could, at this very moment, fly to his wife and children and take them far away. They could be together. They could be a family.

The box was small and hand-carved out of wood. He opened the lid carefully. Her lightsaber, elegant and refined, sat where it had for the past five years.

_"Eryn, if you truly love me, you'll give this weapon up. You don't need it. I can protect you. I will always protect you."_

The lid clicked shut. The mask covered up the man's uncertain face.

* * *

Tyre Eron understood the feeling of being stuck. Bodyguard work always carried the possibility. Sometimes you protected people but in many cases you were a prison guard. Body-guarding had always been form of imprisonment. The need for protection required a stifling of certain freedoms. This was definitely true for the client. Sometimes, it was true for Tyre as well.

He knew, in his gut, that the soldiers would panic, leave their post, or starve to death once their provisions ran out. Eryn Usta-Cevher would not spare food to feed them. They were young men doomed. Tyre Eron was an old man and age had brought with it experience.

The merc took the speeder into Mos Eisley, a long journey but worth it for the respite from Eryn's piercing glare. He didn't know what to say to convince her that leaving was the worst possible reaction to the situation. The woman had just given birth and she wants to run into Stormtrooper blaster fire and Tyre Eron was a man paid to keep her alive.

The watering hole was crowded and dirty and Eron felt right at home. He took a seat at the bar and proceeded to drink as much as he felt confident he could handle and still drive home and best Eryn in a fight if he needed to. He drank, and he thought, and he tried to forget.

"Is that _the_ Tyre Eron?"

That was a voice Tyre had not heard in many years.

"You haven't happened to see my ship, have you? I've been looking all over the galaxy for the damn thing."

The smuggler sat down next to Eron. The Wookiee stood, carefully eyeing the Coruscanti mercenary.

Eron took a long drink. "Afraid I haven't."

Han laughed. "I'm getting too old to be doing this sort of thing…"

"Resistance didn't pan out, huh?" Eron had heard the rumors like everyone else. Rumors that the Corellian smuggler had become some sort of war hero, married a princess. It all seemed rather far-fetched, but he supposed stranger things had happened.

Han's face was somber, an emotion Tyre didn't remember seeing on the smuggler's face before. They had been young men once, foolhardy and invincible.

"You chose a different side, if I remember correctly." Han ordered a drink.

"They paid more."

Han laughed. "You know, you could say the same for me."

There was a long silence. Neither man knew quite what to say to the other.

"So you lost the Falcon?"

Chewbacca roared in agreement. Tyre Eron didn't speak Wookiee but he got the general idea of "unfortunately, YES."

"She was stolen!" Han slammed his drink down. "I'll get her back though, always do. Just gotta _find_ her. I've been checking all the usual spots..."

"First I met you, you didn't even _have_ the Falcon yet." Eron added wistfully. "Damn, has it really been _that_ long?"

Han nodded sadly. "I'm afraid so. We're old men, Tyre. Speaking of, did you ever marry that girl, what was her name? Yara?"

Tyre Eron had married Yara. "I did."

Another silence. It hadn't ended well. Yara wanted Tyre out of the mercenary business. He didn't take well to doing anything else.

"So what brings you to this hellish place?"

"Work. This job, it's gonna be my last one, Han. It'll have to be. I'll make enough to get out and then…well I'm not sure after that but I can't do anymore after this one."

"I'm not a fan of this place either."

"It's not the place. It used to be easier, but this job is messy. It's messy and emotional and complicated and I never used to take jobs like that...Say, if I needed to get out of this place in a hurry, no entanglements, would you be up to it? Hypothetically, of course."

Han laughed. "You sure do sell it well, Tyre. You know me, if the price is right I would consider it."

"Keep your eyes and ears open. Oh, and good luck finding the Falcon." Tyre raised his drink and the two men shared a toast.

* * *

After breakfast, I've started some lessons with Ell'aria. Nothing too complex. She can read, but I'm afraid she'll fall behind without a proper tutor. I try to remember basic mathematics, history, sciences but it's so difficult. Much of my education was in the ways of the Force and it occurs to me how little I know about practical matters. Back on Coruscant, people my age are still in university or just getting their first real jobs. My life would have been so different. Luke told me I was the first one he sensed after Ben. I suppose that was to make me feel special but it just made me feel like a target.

Tyre was out late last night but there was nothing I could have done to escape. I'm nursing a newborn babe with another small child to care for. I could kill the others, the two young guards, at any time but I want it to be at the right time. They might just run out into the desert soon though. I can imagine being sent here to die by your employer isn't a great feeling.

It's late morning before Tyre finally rouses. Ellie is back in my room taking a nap and Aelia is asleep in my arms, again. She's either sleeping or eating. I forgot how much of the two babies do. It's nap time, I guess.

Tyre refills my drink and pours himself some tea.

"Have a fun night?" I ask.

"Oh, very. I got exceedingly drunk, talked with an old friend. It was a good stress reliever."

"What kind of _friends_ does Tyre Eron have?"

"Mostly fellow mercs, some smugglers, a couple of pirates even...I'd like to apologize, Eryn. I said some things. I'm tired, this is an incredibly difficult job. I've not had one like this before."

"My apologies as well, Tyre Eron."

"Good. With that out of the way I wonder if you might not listen to my plan. I had hoped we'd get settled first, take some time to earn each other's trust, but that obviously didn't work."

"I'll hear it."

"Officially speaking, I only need to get you in front of a New Republic official long enough to prove you're really Eryn Usta-Cevher and that you're really alive. That's it. That's all I need to do."

"I'd prefer I stay alive _after_ that meeting." I had forgotten how much I hate my mother.

"Your mother would also prefer you live past the meeting but we both know Nyasia well enough to know where her real concern lies. Essentially, we're in an incredibly strange position. The First Order wants you dead. The Supreme Leader is, as you have told me, ambivalent about the matter. Your husband..."

"I honestly don't know." I add. His temper is so changeable.

"We could sit quietly here for decades while the First Order gobbles up the galaxy, your family fortune included. They could let you live until a ripe old age. They could come for your children. They could sent a bounty hunter tomorrow to kill you. We simply do not know."

"We need more information. Would the guards know anything or have they been abandoned as well?"

"I think that's our first priority. We find out what they know."

I eye the guards at the front of the courtyard. Their facade is beginning to break. It begins.


	9. 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for being the absolute WORST. I promise with all my heart and soul that I will update more regularly and that this will be a finished product! Thank you SO MUCH for your continued support and let me know what you think!

The guards are dead, poisoned by their own ration packs. Poison is a strange weapon. The packs were prepped and shipped in advance so this had to have been planned in advance. I have stopped using Coruscanti time and adapted to where we are now. Here, Aelia is now one month old. To the best of my knowledge, she is growing as she should but if anything were to come up she could be taken from me in an instant.

"Your husband's doing?"

Tyre and I stand over the bodies.

"It wasn't you?"

Tyre looks bemused. "I don't poison people. If I want them dead, I let them know its me doing the killing."

"Then I guess it must have been him." I take a seat in the kitchen, where we found the bodies this morning. "I suppose if he's been told to stay away, this was a way to get rid of them without having to come here and do it himself."

"Tell me, why would he go through the trouble of doing all of this." Tyre crouches down examines the young men. "Hiding you away, stealing you from under the First Order's nose, hiring me..."

The answer is so obvious to him he can't even think of it. "Because he loves me." It comes out almost as a whisper.

"Loves you?" The mercenary ponders the thought. "Keeping you and your children as prisoners isn't a very loving thing to do."

I ignore him. "Can we go now? Take me to my mother, please. I don't care if its just about the money. I want to go home."

"I thought he tried to kill you." Tyre stands up.

"He didn't want to leave me. He _had_ to. The First Order wants me dead, not my husband." I don't know how much of it is true and how much of it I am saying out loud in hopes it will become the truth. "He wants us to have a son. He's had this dream, this vision...He didn't want to leave me..." I stand quickly. "Get rid of these bodies. Take off of them what we can use."

"He's not a good man, Eryn. I know you're not happy with me, keeping you here like this, but I am not going to move until I am certain of our safety. That's the deal."

"And when he finds out who you really are? You don't think he'll come after you once you've betrayed his trust?"

Tyre looks angry. I understand why but I can't make myself care. "He's the one who hired me, Eryn. If he didn't want to work with a mercenary then he shouldn't have hired one. And I thought you were ready to escape? Hmm?"

"It's not that simple. I thought that's what I wanted but now I just want all of this to be over."

"You would _reconcile_ with Kylo Ren?" Tyre questions.

Again, he doesn't understand but how could he? "I didn't marry Kylo Ren...Please, just get these bodies out of my sight." I wave Tyre Eron away along with the bodies of the two men.

Crawling into my bed, I watch Ellie drawing with her makeshift stylus and paper. Aelia is asleep in her makeshift bassinet (a box really with some bedding essentially). If I didn't know what had happened to them to get them here, I would say that they looked perfectly normal.

* * *

Korr Sella was one of General Organa's most loyal commanders, and as such often found herself on missions of a delicate nature. The General would get a lead, or a hint, or even just a feeling and Sella would find herself hoping aboard a cruiser to the opposite side of the galaxy. Sometimes it was nothing. Sella was starting to believe that this was one of those "nothing" scenarios.

"It's an inheritance hearing. It's about a rich ladies' will. She's not dead, but quite ill."

"Nyasia Usta?" General Organa responded over the secure comm-link.

Sella flipped through her notes. "Yes, Nyasia Usta, aged 57 years. Human female. Imperial ties from what I could gather. Big mining colonies on Vactooine and here as well. I'm not sure what you want me to do. If she signed away the mines to the First Order I'm not sure there's anything we can do to stop them."

"Well that's it, isn't it? What does the will say?"

"'In the absence of a living heir.' And her only child went missing over..." Sella paused again to double-check. "Six years ago. Coruscanti time. She's presumed dead but Nyasia is arguing until they can prove her daughter died, she remains the beneficiary of her will. I saw her today. She looks weak. I don't imagine she'll be around much longer to fight this."

"Then we don't have much time."

"General, if I may...what's the Resistance's angle here? I know we don't want the First Order to gain any more territory and the Vactooine mines are very valuable-"

"Commander, just please stay until a verdict is reached. If she really is as ill as you say, then the inquiry won't be long. This is very important. I wish I could say more."

Korr Sella sighed. She was a soldier, not a spy. "Of course, General. I will update you as soon as I hear anything more."

* * *

_"I don't want to go home." I whisper to him._

_"You might not see your family ever again." He whispers back._

_"They don't want to see me anyway."_

_"Luke will insist." Ben brushes my hair behind my ear before leaning in for a kiss. It's soft and sweet._

_"And I'll insist back. I want nothing to do with them and they feel the same."_

_"I understand." He slowly runs his hands up and down my waist. "But we could get to the Jedi Temple from there. I could come to you, we could steal a speeder..."_

_"You know how I feel about that, Ben. It's horrible. I don't want to go there." I pull away. "Please don't make me go there."_

_He's upset. He could go himself but he's too afraid._

_"I can't read Sith, or anything other than Basic really. Eryn, you're the only one I know who can understand half the files in the library."_

_"I'm not going and I am not continuing this conversation." I storm out of the tent and into the darkness of the forest. I look around, worried someone else might have heard us. Sensing nothing, I begin to walk towards the tent I was meant to spend the night in._

_"Its good, not wanting to go there. I wouldn't want to either."_

_Luke._

_"And sneaking with you when you go home to Coruscant is the perfect opportunity. If I remember correctly, the Usta-Cevher Tower is in the same general area."_

_"I told him I didn't want to go. We're not going. You don't need to worry about it."_

_Luke poked the dying fire. "You're upset. Here, sit down..."_

_I quickly glance back at Ben's tent, knowing he'll be listening in. Luke wants him to hear this._

_"I'm fine. I don't want to go home. I've made my decision." I continue walking but Luke stands up and follows me._

_"And I'm glad for it. You're very talented, Eryn. There hasn't been a truly skilled Force healer in over a thousand years. We'll need you, and those who you'll train someday."_

_"Force healing is a job for Jedi who can't swing a light saber." I kick the nearest rock into the nearest tree. He talks it up, but I know I'm not a great warrior._

_"Did Ben say that?" Luke voice drips with concern._

_"No." I snap. "I said that, right now. It's the truth."_

_"Well, speaking of the truth, I think you should start doing some of your training with one of the other students. Ben can be unforgiving. I don't want him discouraging you."_

_I stop near my tent. "He doesn't discourage me. He's honest with me."_

_"How is he? He... won't speak to me."_

_"That sounds like your problem." I attempt to enter my tent, but Luke grabs my arm._

_"Do you love him?"_

_The question startles me. "I...I don't know."_

_"Then stop it. Whatever this is. This will not end peacefully, not if we don't do something about it. You're the closest one to him right now..."_

_I have to laugh at the idea that I have any idea what has come over Ben. I'll get bits and pieces, sure, but he doesn't trust me. Not like that.  
_

_Luke lets go and I open the flap to my tent. "We don't do a lot of talking."_

* * *

"Eryn, quickly. Wake up."

Blurrily, Tyre Eron's face comes into view. I sit up quickly and locate my children. Ell'aria is awake, Aelia is asleep.

"What is it?"

"I just received word that your mother's case has gone to an official inquiry. The case has just begun, but your mother is quite ill and the First Order is unrelenting. This isn't ideal but I feel like this might be our only chance. I believe I have transport. We need to get to Mos Eisley."

"Is this inquiry happening on Coruscant?" My heart is racing with the possibility of going home. A very dangerous possibility.

"Yes, your mother is unable to travel. She's very ill, Eryn. I was unable to contact her. We need to leave very quickly."

I jump out of bed and pull on trousers and a tunic. I pull a sweater over Ell'aria's head.

"Ellie, grab me Aelia's harness." Ellie grabs the makeshift harness and I pull it over my head and carefully cradle my tiny daughter inside. "You believe we have transport or do we have transport?"

"Let's get moving. I am sure we do but we need to get there quickly."

We move swiftly. Tyre picks up Ell'aria. Her little legs can't move fast enough to keep up with us. I can't run for fear of shaking Aelia. Our speeder is old and shaky and the night is cold. I wrap my own shirt around my children as we whip through the chilly night air.

"Where are we going?" Ell'aria looks up at me with fearful eyes.

"Don't answer that." Tyre responds. I understand why. She can't know. The less she knows the safer we she will be.

* * *

The commander approached the general with a sense of visible discomfort.

"Has the inquiry begun?"

"Yes, sir."

"And?"

"Nyasia Usta is claiming that her daughter is still alive."

General Hux's jaw clenches in anger. "We have to end this. If I had known that this was the same girl...End this, Commander. Do whatever needs to be done. Now. They'll be on the move."

"General." A third voice joins in.

"Ren. This is outside of your jurisdiction. You have failed us once already. You have continually shown your inability to work for the future of the First Order."

"The Supreme Leader..."

"The Supreme Leader has left it up to us to decide. I will do what I must to protect the First Order and right now that means killing Eryn Usta-Cevher."


End file.
